Eat Your Soup

Justin was in the hospital and it was time for lunch. He looks at his lunch and says, "I don't like chicken soup, bring something else."

The nurse said, "It's good for you, the doctor said you should have it."

But the patient refused to eat that night, a patient in the room with Justin had a bad stomach pain so the nurses came in to give him an enema. By mistake, they gave the enema to Justin.

The following week, when he was leaving the hospital, a new patient asked him how he liked the hospital. Justin told him, "Well, the hospital itself is pretty good, but they're very strict about their food. Here's a good tip, when they bring up chicken soup you better eat it, or else they'll come back in the middle of the night and shove it up your @#%!"
 

Author Unknown

Hiccups

A man goes into a drug store and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups.

The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man's face.

"What the heck did you do that for!?!" the man screams.

"Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore do you?"

The man says, "No I don't, you IDIOT... But my wife out in the car still does!"