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Resume
Blunders
From
actual resumes as reported by Fortune Magazine:
"I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive
experience."
"I have lurnt WordPerfect 6.0 computor and
spreadsheat progroms"
"Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
"Reason for leaving last job: Maturity leave."
"Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial
institutions."
"Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
"It's best for employers that I not work with
people."
"Let's meet, so you can "ooh" and "aah"
over my experience."
"You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time."
"Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget
details."
"I was working for my mom until she decided to
move."
"Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged.
Uninvolved.
No commitments."
"I have an excellent track record, although I am not
a horse."
"I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please
feel free to respond
to my resume on my office voice mail."
"I have become completely paranoid, trusting
completely no one
and absolutely nothing."
"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I
possess no training in
meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
"I procrastinate, especially when the task is
unpleasant."
"As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing
investments."
"Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons
so far."
"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a
Midwest chain store.
"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as
"job-hopping." I have
never quit a job"
"Marital status: often. Children: various."
"Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all
employees get to
work by 8:45 every morning. Could not work under those
conditions."
"The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three
previous employers."
"Finished eighth in my class of ten."
"References: None. I've left a path of destruction
behind me."
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NURSING HUMOR
