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Medicalese:
A Humorous Medical Dictionary
An
irreverent, tongue-in-cheek, fun look at everyone and everything
in medicine (from patients to nurses to doctors).
When
your patient load seems more than you can manage and you're
ready to become an ER patient yourself open this book because
humor really is the best medicine to relieve stress! This 84
page paperback is filled with wacky definitions and cartoons
sure to bring back a smile. Here are a just a few examples:
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Aaaah...-
1) What the doctor tells the patient to say before gagging
the patient to the max. 2) Word preceding expletive when one
receives the medical bill.
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Acquired
Anencephaly- Anencephaly means "Without a
brain." Acquired Anencephaly means a person is acting
as if he/she is brainless. This condition is often found
in hospital administrators.
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Admitting
Receptionist- Personnel trained to smile pleasantly
while extracting promissory notes, future inheritances,
gold fillings, etc., from patients prior to allowing
them admission to the hospital. In the Emergency
Department, admitting receptionists make sure that
multiple redundant forms full of obscure and irrelevant
information are filled out in triplicate before
treatment is begun.
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CPR
(Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation)- really stands for
“Cracking Patient's Ribs,” when the chest and ribs
are repeatedly squashed in an attempt to wake a
patient up.
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Dietitian-
person responsible for making sure that food
reaching patients is without salt / sugar / fat /
carbohydrates / calories, and is cold / soggy /
unpalatable / tasteless. Dietitians strive to ensure
that hospital food has the consistency and taste of
Play-Dough.
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G.O.K.-
sophisticated diagnosis made on extremely
difficult cases. Stands for "God Only
Knows!"
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Medicalese-Medical
gibberish talk, which mainly consists of using
more and bigger words in place of fewer and
smaller words, in order to sound mysterious and
impressive.
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Midwife-doctor's
second wife, coming after the first wife (who
was dumped after putting the doctor through long
years of schooling), and before the last wife
(the young pretty thing the doctor marries in
his declining, senile years).
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Pharmacist-highly-trained
professional who spent five years in college
learning how to read doctors' prescriptions
and count pills from a big bottle into a
little bottle.
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Radiologist-doctor
who prefers to deal with pictures of people
rather than the people themselves.
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Wallet
Biopsy -most important procedure done
in the hospital, whereby all dirty green
paper and loose silver is extracted from
the leather object in a patient's pocket
or purse.
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NURSING HUMOR
