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Dear
Doctor
Dear
Dr. Proctor,
I wish to apply for an operation to make me sterile. My reasons
are numerous. After being married for seven years and having had
7 children, I have come to the conclusion that contraceptives
are useless.
After getting married I was advised to use the rhythm method.
Despite trying the Tango and the Samba, my wife fell pregnant
and I ruptured myself doing the Cha-Cha. Apart from that, where
do you find a band when you get the urge at two o'clock in the
morning?
A doctor suggested the safe period. At the time, we were living
with the in-laws and we had to wait 3 weeks for the safe period,
when the house was empty. Needless to say this didn't work, and
the wife got pregnant.
A lady of several years' experience said if we made love while
breast feeding we would be all right. Well, I finished up with
clear skin, Silky Hair and was very healthy, but the wife got
pregnant yet again.
Another tale we heard was if the wife jumped up and down after
intercourse this would prevent pregnancy. She slipped a disk but
still got pregnant again.
I asked the pharmacist about condoms and he demonstrated them,
so I bought a packet. My wife got pregnant again, which did not
surprise me as I never did believe how stretching one of those
things over your thumb could prevent babies.
We tried the coil next but that didn't work. It had a left-hand
screw and my wife is definitely a right-hand screw.
The Dutch cap was next and seemed to be our answer, but my wife
got severe headaches when the only size available was too tight
across the forehead.
Eventually we tried the Pill, but it kept dropping out, so she
tried it between her knees and I couldn't get anywhere near her.
You must appreciate my problems. If I can't have the operation I
will have to resort to oral sex, and I can't believe that
talking about it is any substitute for the real thing.
Yours sincerely,
Author Unknown
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